Create yourself.

What if you really could create yourself?
What are the first things you think of that you would change?
What would you give yourself?

The young man who came in and wanted this tattoo, is a twenty year old computer science major from WSU. He likes weightlifting and nerdy shit. I love that combination in a human. It means they’ll be healthy longer. I love helping people put spells on their bodies to cultivate the type of reality they want to live in.

Create yourself. Lowercase typewriter font. Apollo Tattoo.8/21

If I could really create myself, I would become a writer/witch in the woods who had a reliable car, on property with good soul/soil, in a great location, with a cute house set up to immediately plant a vegetable garden, with the landscaping made primarily of edible plants, fruit trees, herbs and an excessive array of flowers. Sprinkler system already in the ground.

What I would change about myself immediately, if it took no effort, is my butt and leg hair. My vanity wish would be to be hairless from the waist down- though I could still get excited to keep my bush. Bush hair is protective. It keeps my vulva safe from the elements. My vulva and uterus like to feel safe from the elements.

I would also make it so I didn’t have to worry about money all the damn time. Worry gets me no where. Worry creates stress and anxiety, and distracts me from my goals in life.

Then, I would also make myself indisputably able to handle the stresses of daily life. Just straight capable with no repercussions, no physical illness response, no overwhelming exhaustion from completing simple household chore.

I would give myself physical strength. Energy. Healing. Space and time to experiment. Good food. Expansive time to create. A house cleaner who know how to make a place sparkle, and wanted to trade for tattoos. A gardening buddy who lived in the area and needed to work in the dirt with me.

An ability to write cohesive, eye and emotion catching grants, so I could make money another professional artist way.

Love of , and exceeding ability to do script tattoos. People want words on them. Lettering tattoos, script tattoos, font tattoos- these are the bread and butter of the tattoo industry, and I like toast.

Artist tip: Trust your CURIOSITY.

As artists in this world, we are told to focus, to direct our energies towards one specific niche, to find what audiences like, and recreate that reality, over and over- in order to find success. Keep reading and I’m going to tell you about why following your curiousity leads you towards an expansive, authentic and abundant life and mindset. I’ll tell you about what following my curiousity has taught me, why time is your most valuable resource, and how to define your own version of success.

By following your own curiousity, you develop your authentic* artist voice, you learn how to trust your intuition and instincts, and you not only learn new things- but you learn how to put things together in different and interesting ways.

Grab your journal, or a piece of paper, and a pen.

Set a Timer for 15 minutes and list all the things you’re curious about right now until the timer goes off.

Here’s 10 of mine.
1. How do museums label artifacts?
2. What is the formula for presenting lessons within magical stories?
3. Is working magic for strangers different than working magic for people I know?
4. What are the direct correlations between ADHD and PTSD?
5. What would happen to my consciousness if I went to the woods every morning for thirty days?
6. Can I make the income I need as a tattoo artist, while also working four days a week?
7. Why do past failures make humans less likely to try new things in the future? Is it a trauma response? Because most of the things we do as humans actually fail. Failure is most of the steps towards a personalized version of success.
8. How do mushrooms grow inside of insect excoskeletons?
9. How can I cultivate my energy and reclaim it for what I want to do? Do I need to accept my exhaustion and just wait, or push through and find new energy sources?
10. How do I get people on my Patreon to interact with the Patreon page rather than just pay me and recieve their Creativity Letters passively? They could deeply benefit from connecting with one another during doing these exercises.

Now that you’ve done the exercise, what do you notice about your curiousity? Does it tell you anything about the directions you want to be moving as a person? Mine tells me my body needs to be resting, I need more habitual studio and woods time, and I am looking for ways to better my life and help people and myself connect to one another. Those bits of self awareness let me know I am in alignment with my purpose as an artist.

Sometimes the curiousity list leads me towards a new art medium, or on a new adventure, or let’s me make connections I haven’t made before. Those sound small if you’re thinking of an artist life as a “capitalist income stream” because what “they” mean when they label artistic success, and recommend you finding what you’re good at- is to find “an income stream.”

“They” don’t mean: success in relationships, or success in cultivating a sense of internal abundance, or deep pleasure in your life. Success is deeply individualized, and connection, a sense of purpose and being able to meet your own needs, and the needs of people around you abundantly, this is soul success. This is purpose. Without purpose, you are most likely to wander off towards something easier than constantly developing your talent as an artist. Curiousity is the battery charge of living the artist life.

And, let’s be real. We live in capitalism, we need a way to pay the bills. So yeah, stabilize your income stream, however, don’t force your artistic vision into one stream bed because you want to achieve “artistic success.” My buddy Raphael of Emerald visions, sent me this excellent Twitter post this morning that explains what I mean:

Know this…

Prosperity is a byproduct of self love.
Self love, deep internal reliance, trust in the process, connection to others and the natural world, and belief.

Money is just a bunch of paper and metal. Lack of self love is what leads to trouble.

I believe the only things evil in is an artist life are: Lack of self love, commitment to insecurity, and self hatred. Because all of these things lead to causing trauma and pain to others, and hurting ourselves, and being miserable and unkind to others.

For myself, the deepest version of success is having an income which pays my bills, allows me to spoil my dogs, my community, and myself- while also saving money, and going on adventures. I have to have time to play, in my studio, outside, with people I care about, and feel expansive and in control of my time.

Time is my most valued currency. I use my time to wander down dream paths, fiddle with things in my studio, go out into the woods, thrift store explorations, work deeply involved and ritualized magic, spend time with people I care about, and explore my innate curiousity about the world.

You get to decide what success means for you. I hope it involves trusting your curiousity and living a full and joyful life.

*authentic- I find this term both useful and problematic. Especially for artists who have to both be themselves in real life and a brand online. Don’t force yourself to buy into it- no matter what you do, you are being yourself.

TakIng a Nature Walk in the Rain.

Quarantine Log. Day 39.
Took a nature walk in the downpour today with my nephew, Calvin. He’s been tantruming, the same way that all the children are, with their social distancing enforces, their masks on over their faces, and their small selves being confined indoors. We go for a walk rain or shine, every afternoon. He sits in his orange BOB stroller, and we listen to Cathy Heller’s, “Don’t Keep your day job” podcast, which we have been doing since I first met him at about ten months old. I have loved him since he was 11 months old and I started taking care of him.

He turns four today, April 24th, 2020, and his Mom and Baba are trying to figure out something interesting to do for his birthday, involving his friends, and a drive by experience.

I suggested stories from his friends, because right now, his favorite things, ARE stories. He wants to know what makes the world go around, why we do what we do, and how to get what he wants out of the world, in a way he’s interested in. He wants to know we love him, and he wants to know we want to connect to him, and explain the world to him. And pay attention to him.

Every other sentence is, “Look at me!” Littles are like that, living on attention, and I mean think about it- we’re all like that- until it’s socialized out of us.

So, one of my emotional management tools is, to take him and I on long walks. We walk, and walk and walk, and listen to podcasts, and talk about things we see, have walking snacks, and enjoy just being outside, in nature, going somewhere together.

Today there was a downpour when we began, but my red hoodie is made from Alpaca wool, so I was warm enough. I tucked his blanket around his knees and we went off into the familiar path we usually walk. Left turn, off Going Street, into a pile of Wisteria, a flower of abundance and prosperous good fortune for a home.

And then the level of gorgeous, rain soaked flowers opened up around us, and I spent the next hour walking, talking with the Libra, and taking these gorgeous photographs of flowers.

I wanted to share them with you.

These are tulips. Fucking astounding.

Invasive Ivy always makes me want to weave clothing out of it.

I remember another day that looked like this when I left a lover behind.

These photographs feel like pressed flowers in my journal.

There you go. You’re welcome.

Happy birthday little man. I love you. I am glad I am your buddy, and that you love me like I love you.