Good afternoon Internet, here to document another one of my curious conceptual art pieces- the whitewashed abstract- or, the semi-blank slate of complexity.

I have about twenty more minutes of studio prep work before I can begin my process of painting, because I promised myself that I would film myself painting this specific canvas.

Pro tip for the aspiring artist.

Go ahead and sit down with your work before beginning. Let the canvas be and just, look at it.

You’ll see more by doing this, and oftentimes in my case, I’ll save myself time by not having to undo mistakes and instead, properly plan out my progress for the first few stages of the piece. Sitting here, looking at the canvas, resting with my dogs and typing this has allowed me to notice five different things:

I was stingy with the whitewash last night. I am going to go over the canvas a second time today and then let it dry.
I need to clear out my writing desk corner. The reference materials there are old, and there is nowhere to put my new reference material.
The camera location is all wrong for recording this painting.
The easel is unsteady and I should go get my actual easel from the shop so I can deeply settle into the process of working on what May well be a complex piece for me. I will need to rest my hand on the easel, and if the easel is unsteady, my hand will be unsteady, this causing small and large mistakes.
I need to do some thumbnails before I tackle this specific project. I might need to take some reference photos of myself to pull it off. This means I need to plan out and design the reference photos as well as the painting.

All of this is to say, don’t rush it. Rest and contemplation are just as important as beginning.

I’m in my freshly cleaned studio, day three of my Witch in the Woods Artist Retreat, and I have yet, to
A) go to the woods, or B) to create anything.

I’ve spent my first two days cleaning, having intense dreams, listening to Sacred Success on Audiobook, and talking to people I love on the phone, while contemplating surrender and the process of letting go.

I am feeling… energized, revitalized and curious. Tingling sensations of beginnings are dancing around in my mind. There’s a pull for trust in abundance, dancing at the edges of my fingertips. The process has obviously begun, and I know from repeated patterns mirrored back to me, in my journaling practice, that it takes me a week to sink into any form of vacation or retreat.

Last night, after clearing out more studio space, I pulled the big abstracts out of their dark corner, stared at them, and decided it was time to whitewash their surfaces.

One of them, has an old, rebounding story of traumatic relationships outlined on it, and it was deeply therapeutic to cover the faces of past nightmares, with a good bleaching.

I don’t feel like old relationships, especially abusive old relationships, deserve to live rent free in my home anymore. In fact, if their debris is still considered useful by me- then by all means, I need to put it to use. For this moment- by covering it the fuck up. Goodbye darkness, my old friend, hello light, I let you in.

Also, this is actually atypical for me, to use white to cover up old, unnecessary work. My patterned tendency is to take black, and absorb all the light into a matte surface, so I can then, rebirth myself from the chaotic scrambling codes of the universe. Changing the paint strokes to white- is a big deal actually.

In the same way that feeding myself this morning, before 10 am and the onset of neurotic starvation occurred- says- I am healing.

If the only thing that happens during my Artist Retreat, is that I curl up with myself and rest- I will have done everything I need to do.

Good Morning, the day after Imbolc. I hope your heart is opening, and your windows look out into green.

The light has returned to the earth, after her deep descent into the darkness. Chickens are laying eggs again, I am feeding myself with no prompting, and the candles are lit in the window, ready to sing me home. I am looking forward to my time off. My heart is sore and weary and needs a deep respite.