Coming Home

February 16, 2021

“I worry, you know? I worry about other young artist reading about my mental health struggles and saying damn- if she’s still suffering, with an actual job in the arts- how am I ever going to get anywhere. Mental health matters, and I have resisted deeply the status of “Crazy Artist.” I have dived deeply into “Fully functioning Elder Millennial with past Childhood Trauma.” This demand on my body, to ignore the healing still to do, by trying to reflect the healing we have done, weakens me.

I need my strength for the road ahead. I need to cultivate my energy. To move it through my body, and allow myself to be as healed as I actually am. To be healed, I have to allow myself to still need healing.”

Sometimes self care looks like a drug run

February 2, 2021

Woke up in a shoddy mood again this morning. Bad, bad cramps, for like month 300 and Steph was snuggled up with me, Dirt had to poop four times in the middle of the night, there was blood everywhere and Cleo decided to be a dick. (She prefers her very specific Momma-Cleo-go-To-work-routine and when it switches, she is displeased, and uses her teeth on items around the house to show it.)

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Morning- Saved by a Journal.

January 30, 2021

What is an instance, where you were able to use yourself, your thoughts, or your own externally expressed emotional processing, to really, see yourself? What’s a moment when you experienced a profound emotional homecoming, looking at your own heart?

Practically Indispensable News!

January 6, 2020

I have officially finished the rough draft of "As the Crow Flies".

*insert crazy screaming and neurotic hoping around the house trying to put everything that didn't get done during whatever writing time I stole from my real life, back into place*

1. I finished that shit.

2. It took me three years to get the rough draft done.

3. I know the rough draft is done because a). I felt the tinge of... holy fuck, the rough draft is actually done... at the end of November 2019 and because b) I just finished my first read through of the entire thing.

4. The rough draft is *drum roll please* 281 pages and 130,788 words. One hundred and thirty thousand words and some change. I don't think I've ever written anything over 75,000 words, and I think this freaking book, is the thing I wrote 75,000 words on.

5. This took me three years. Three years. (I know it was number 2, but I gotta say it again.) I didn't think I could stick to one project for a full year, let alone three years.

I am proud of myself. I am proud of myself for doing the damn thing, and for learning how to do it while I was trying to do it, and I am even prouder of myself for knowing that IF I AM REALLY LUCKY I could have this book finished in the next two years.

Two more years? Am I serious? Is this how I want to spend my time? Writing books in between doing everything else?

It is. It is. I absolutely love writing. I love writing the way I love a week of alone time, a whole pack of dogs, and a fresh set of paintbrushes and ten new Radio Lab podcasts to listen to. I love writing. I love, love, love, love it, and I also love telling stories.

I could see that in this draft. It was raw, and wicked, and sexual and vicious and so very conversational. I could ear my voice resonating in the backdrop as scenery with these characters I've come to know. And I could see a glimpse of how I was going to finish it. So now, what I want to do, is review everything again, and make a flexible plan as to how I am going to finish it.

I want this.

I want this to be a part of my life.

I want this to be a part of me.

I want to go the extra miles to finish the damn thing.

And I want to do it the only way I know how to. For myself. With other people. In community. I want to be able to attach a file of my finished book here, for you to read, someday. Hopefully within two years from now.

What are you proud of accomplishing this year?

What resolutions would you like to let go of?

*tosses up a countdown clock, realizes one of my main new years resolutions this year is to have less resolutions, and pulls down the clock and instead goes to draft the next blog post about what I am going to do next, so if you want to slog through and edit your own rough draft Finny Style, you can. *

*Also, I use asterisks like it’s 1990.

The 6 Steps for Building Creative Community

November 7, 2019

Building creative community offers the chance to create a space to share your work, to explore your potential talents, to curate your learning experience and to connect to other like-minded creatives both online and IRL.

The first things to do are to ask yourself some very important questions:

What, exactly does community look like to you?